Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Splitting The Check. What Does That Mean?

This isn't going to be about who pays for what on a date and how whoever asks for the date should pay or should the guy pay or logistics like that. This is going to be about check splitting and what that means about your relationship.
I was talking to my new friend Calloway yesterday about this and recalled that this was the 3rd conversation like this I'd had lately about this topic of finance and relationships and what it means.
1) If you are check splitting at the table a few months in, that's not a good sign. This is totally different than one person picking up the check one time and the other person picking it up the next time. I am all for paying half of the expenses for a relationship. Splitting the check at the table though could be indicative of a reluctance to commit. Paying for half of everything when it occurs kind of feels like there may not be a next time. Hence why I generally insist on paying for my way on a first date but not on the tenth.
Calloway puts this much more bluntly than I do - he says you're basically "friends with benefits" if you're doing this.
2) Guys (or girls for that matter) that won't let you pay for anything are going to feel like they need a more macho role in a relationship. Hear me out on this. Control of the finances in a relationship is a big deal. Some people don't want that control so they do very well with a person that wants their hand on the money at all times. I'm not knocking women(or men) that don't want to handle any bills, just that they better be dating someone that wants that responsibility.

As a rule of thumb I like to try to keep things pretty even when it comes to money. I think when you are in your twenties and money flow is less secure that allowing someone to pay for everything can be a major strain on the relationship should someone's financial situation change.
However, if you are still divvying up the check at the restaurant with someone you've been with for months, you might want to take a look at the level of commitment you both have to moving forward.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boy, I could really write a book about this topic. Kudos for putting it out there. Who pays is a big sign about relationships. Its a huge RED FLAG. Please take note it will save you heartbreak later. Just like Calloway says any woman that goes for this is a 'friend with benefits'. Men will pay any amount when they think the woman is worth it. Some points 1. A man who does this with all his dates is cheap. 2. A man who starts by paying then settles into sharing is saying 'I don't think you are worth my investment, I'm exploring other options (other women).

June 11, 2009 at 10:54 AM  
Blogger Caitlin said...

hmmmm.....I am very interested in red flags... maybe another post?
I agree though, I am generally insulted when it starts with splitting and goes to sharing. Not good, especially if there are OTHER red flags present.
what are your thoughts on girls that always insist on paying?

June 11, 2009 at 6:52 PM  

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